New Years Thoughts
2023 starts in literally a few days and damn I have so much to reflect on.
2022 was a crazy year for me. I graduated college, I got a job, I moved to a new city, I made new friends, I reconnected with some, and lost loved ones. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster.
How it started
Coming out of 2021 I had pretty low expectations. I overloaded my classes, started an internship, and was taking like 3 capstone classes at once. You could say I was f*cked.. Everything kind of fell on me at once that semester and I was crumbling under the pressure towards the end of it. I had spent maybe like a few days of it with friends while the rest of it was just me huddled up in my room. Covid had really messed up my social life and I didn’t really want to go outside and hangout with friends any more. Somehow though, I made it through it all with my greatest support being my friend[we’ll call her Buck’s County (^: ]. I think talking to her and spending time hanging out saved me from falling too low. In the end I finished all my projects and did pretty well for myself~
Thanks for always having lunch with me and watching movies together, you saved my life~
Becoming an Adult
Idk how or why things always play out like this for me, but it was the first job fair I had gone to since being in college. It was at some point during Fall Semester and I decided to apply to one company that was looking for someone with my skillset. Fast forward a few months later and I got an interview and after a few more interviews I ended up with an offer. [Honestly, it shouldn’t have been that easy.. still feels weird] Thinking about it now I’m super grateful for how things turned out and I’m really happy that things turned out so well. The offer had me move across the country which was great because I love change and this was another big one in my life. [First one was even going to college lol I literally traveled across the world for 4 years] Currently I’m living in an apartment in a fun city and I’m enjoying my time, but not everything was great.
My Lowest Point
Reflecting on the year I’ve been thinking about how crazy my life has been in the past 3 years. 2020 was spent in near total isolation from everyone I knew, 2021 I came back to another completely foreign environment, and in 2022 I experienced the worst loss of my life. Up until recently I thought the sleepless nights and complete isolation I experienced during Covid was the worst thing I had ever experienced and was the lowest point in my life. While it was traumatizing and I suffered deeply from it, I think the worst thing to happen was the death of my uncle earlier this year.
My uncle was a very special person to me. I saw him as a reflection of myself and the greatest role model in my life. He inspired me to be creative, hardworking, dependable, stoic, tech savvy. He was always the smartest person in the room, but would never flaunt it. He worked behind the scenes and got so much accomplished. In my aspirations to be like him I studied his interests and mannerisms. I cherished each and every moment I spent with him hoping to learn more and always hoping we would do more together. His death broke me… and it has continued to break my heart for months and months after.
I wish I had reached out more.. I wish I had called or texted you again.. I had so many stories I wanted to tell you about. I always knew how to make you laugh and how to make you smile.. Thinking back, that was one of the last memories I had with you. We were at that one bar playing the Hot-Ones bar game together. I’m so happy that I got to spend that time with you and see you smile one last time. I miss you so much, you meant everything to me.
Looking Forward
Looking forward, I want 2023 to be a more positive time in my life. I feel like I’ve been in a really dark place for a long time, but I want to see more change in my life. I’ve started to surround myself with more people I enjoy being with, I’ve started drinking less, I’ve started sleeping more, I’ve started drinking more water, I’ve started eating healthier, I hired a personal trainer.. I’ve done so many things to try and make 2023 better. The future is always shrouded in uncertainty and unease but I can at least try to make the most out of things and do good on my part. Whatever may come from this year, know I won’t give up. I aspire to do bigger and greater things, it’s only a matter of time until things turn out.
Thanks for reading~
- Skai
